Automatic Pilot
While I was meditating this morning, the realization came to me that my thoughts have been on "automatic pilot" lately. That is, they just pop in my head, and I take them as truth and often act on them, without even considering if they are "good" thoughts. That is, are they thoughts that serve me? Or are they ego-driven thoughts, sent by my ego just to make sure it still is in the cockpit, the captain of my thoughts.
There's some, what I would call, "unhealthy" thoughts, self-deprecating thoughts, which I then internalize. By the end of the day, I'm exhausted dealing with these thoughts. These speculations that dwell in the past or the future, but never in the present.
Do I need to listen to all these thoughts, or do what they say, or take them into my emotional core? No. A big, resounding, NO.
The trick is to figure out which thoughts are coming from where. But it's becoming easier for me to see through the ego's charade. Usually, when it seems to be the ego, it's like this external force that is compelling me to do something that doesn't make sense. I don't want to say it's telling me to do what I don't want to do, because I think sometimes we realize things that are best for us, and they will indeed make us feel challenged and uncomfortable. I guess the best way to describe the ego-thoughts is that they feel fake. Like they've been dreamed up by a plastic surgeon to "fix" a part of me that should very well be left alone. Too much surgery, and I could turn out looking like a barbie doll that's been left out on a really hot day and has morphed into something undesirable.
Back to the automatic pilot/cockpit scenario. Pilots can rely on automatic controls to a degree, but that is never a substitute for their own judgment. Landing a plane..perhaps the most difficult part of flying, requires a pilot's training and intuition. The speed must be just right, the descent planned accordingly, the landing gear deployed. What if the plane just landed itself every time? The pilot just trusting the computer who does not have feelings or the consciousness to adjust the controls as needed? There could be a great deal more accidents.
Letting these thoughts run through my head without any regard for them is dangerous. Without examining them and keeping them in check, I run the risk of allowing them to control my entire life, steering it off the path of truth.
And let's get back to that idea of truth. What do thoughts, those that are "true, as in, thoughts from the universe, God, however you want to say it...how do those feel? To me, they feel right from the start. They have integrity, warmth, and comfort. Even if they are a truth I'm perhaps not wanting to hear because it means I have to "step up to the plate" and challenge myself, they still have that idea of love behind them. That's it. They come from a place of love. Like a mother's deep regard for her baby. There is nothing false about these truths. They just are.
And so, even as I'm writing this, I'm battling with potential ego-driven thoughts, but I am just noticing them and calling them out for what they are. Through the day, I will be aware of what comes up, and not take every thought for gospel. I've got to weed out the bad stuff so that only the good stuff remains. It's a challenge, but at the end of the day, I'd like to think that I am flying my own plane.
There's some, what I would call, "unhealthy" thoughts, self-deprecating thoughts, which I then internalize. By the end of the day, I'm exhausted dealing with these thoughts. These speculations that dwell in the past or the future, but never in the present.
Do I need to listen to all these thoughts, or do what they say, or take them into my emotional core? No. A big, resounding, NO.
The trick is to figure out which thoughts are coming from where. But it's becoming easier for me to see through the ego's charade. Usually, when it seems to be the ego, it's like this external force that is compelling me to do something that doesn't make sense. I don't want to say it's telling me to do what I don't want to do, because I think sometimes we realize things that are best for us, and they will indeed make us feel challenged and uncomfortable. I guess the best way to describe the ego-thoughts is that they feel fake. Like they've been dreamed up by a plastic surgeon to "fix" a part of me that should very well be left alone. Too much surgery, and I could turn out looking like a barbie doll that's been left out on a really hot day and has morphed into something undesirable.
Back to the automatic pilot/cockpit scenario. Pilots can rely on automatic controls to a degree, but that is never a substitute for their own judgment. Landing a plane..perhaps the most difficult part of flying, requires a pilot's training and intuition. The speed must be just right, the descent planned accordingly, the landing gear deployed. What if the plane just landed itself every time? The pilot just trusting the computer who does not have feelings or the consciousness to adjust the controls as needed? There could be a great deal more accidents.
Letting these thoughts run through my head without any regard for them is dangerous. Without examining them and keeping them in check, I run the risk of allowing them to control my entire life, steering it off the path of truth.
And let's get back to that idea of truth. What do thoughts, those that are "true, as in, thoughts from the universe, God, however you want to say it...how do those feel? To me, they feel right from the start. They have integrity, warmth, and comfort. Even if they are a truth I'm perhaps not wanting to hear because it means I have to "step up to the plate" and challenge myself, they still have that idea of love behind them. That's it. They come from a place of love. Like a mother's deep regard for her baby. There is nothing false about these truths. They just are.
And so, even as I'm writing this, I'm battling with potential ego-driven thoughts, but I am just noticing them and calling them out for what they are. Through the day, I will be aware of what comes up, and not take every thought for gospel. I've got to weed out the bad stuff so that only the good stuff remains. It's a challenge, but at the end of the day, I'd like to think that I am flying my own plane.
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